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Processed with VSCOcam with f2 presetGuys, cleansing is hard!  And by hard, I mean more like torture!!  I’m sure not all cleanses are this way but I feel like this one was designed just so I could fail.  Raw green veggies as my only food source for eight whole days?  I’m finding it impossible!  As someone who has struggled with blood sugar issues, I’ve been very strictly eating protein every three hours for months now.  So not having it–let’s just say these days have not been happy days for me.

I was told day 3 would be the worst, and then day 4 happened.  I didn’t sleep at all the night before because I was just so hungry my belly was keeping me awake.  And then I woke up and just started crying.  I was crying because I had never been so absolutely starving in my entire life and I literally just hurt from being hungry.  As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t even eat another vegetable that morning because the thought of one more piece of broccoli or zucchini made me just feel sick to my stomach.  I’ve never felt that way before, so absolutely hungry.  I couldn’t focus on anything but the pain of missing food.

That’s when I realized how privileged I am.  Because even though I am on this cleanse and can only eat these certain foods, really–I have a refrigerator and pantry full of food.  My discipline is what is making me do this when in reality I could just as easily make for myself anything that I want.  It’s all right there.  And there are so many people in the world who also woke up starving that day with those same hunger pains that don’t have food available to them and my heart has been hurting for them as I have experienced a hunger like nothing else in my life but still nothing even close to what so many people experience everyday.  Even the foods that I do have to eat on this cleanse, however much I am hating them right now–all healthy, organic, fresh, green vegetables.  Good quality and sustaining foods.  So I’ve started praying for those who go to bed each night hungry and wake up each morning not knowing if they will get any food that day, and thanking God for the blessings that I do have that despite these eight days, I am never in want.  It put things into perspective.

However, my stomach was still a ravenous beast and as much as I tried I couldn’t force myself to eat anymore vegetables the morning of day 4 but I knew I had to eat, so I compromised a bit.  I allowed myself to eat an egg, and somehow that enabled me to shovel more veggies in.  Since then there has been a healthy amount of cheating every single day because I’m pretty sure my doctor did this to me to torture me and also because it became about survival mode.  Ultimately, I know my body best, and a little bit of protein here and there is what I need everyday in order to be a functioning human being.  So day 4 was crippling, but things have been slowly looking up since then.  The end is in sight!

I’ve been testing my body pH obsessively, partly because I think it’s fun, and it is now so tipped from the too acidic side to the too alkaline side, but at least it is releasing toxins.  I wish the toxin releasing could have skipped the massive breakout on my face, but I can’t have it all.  The biggest surprise has been the absence of any anxiety whatsoever.  So much anxiety over the last months has been tied to my gut-health and my blood sugar levels and going into this cleanse I thought I would screw everything up and be an anxious mess for eight days–and I have yet to have a single anxious moment.  Thank you, God!  For real!

Have you ever gotten a lymphatic drainage massage?  The first one I got I laughed like a crazy person, tears rolling down my cheeks.  My second one I found to be one of the most relaxing things I’ve ever done.  You should try it.

I’m pretty sure other people who do cleanses like this have superhuman strength.  Good for you!  I missed that gene.

Two more days.

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